These are John's peppers, sprouting lustily in the garage under the grow lights. He plants 5 seeds in each little grow cup; after the seeds have germinated he carefully scissors out 4 of the lesser sprouts leaving one to go on to maturity.
This has always seemed a cruel waste to my way of seeing the world. In my garden all the seedlings grow skitter-skatter, choking each other in their exuberance and allowing none to reach optimum strength.
This is what I've been thinking today as I look at my schedule, my interests, my studio, my life. There is a dense jungle as I've let everything in at once. My little garden overfloweth.
I am not to the solution stage yet. I am not a good pruner, I simply want all the cookies. I wish I could sit down with you, one by one, and talk this over. How do you keep your life manageable? How do you have enough studio time? How do you choose when you love it all, every art medium, every opportunity; when you are a big glutton of life? I have no sense of moderation.
Today I tore apart the sick bed, put all the medicines away and declared myself over the illness. I walked in the sun, shot photos in the garden and smelled the glorious Daphne. I returned to the studio and painted the girl with the life that needs pruning.
No more sickness, please, no more of that. My ribs and diaphragm hurt from coughing so much.
I have plans; making beautiful packets for Artfest, getting out into my garden and weeding, welcoming my roses and tulips and irises. I want spring and the warm sun and the smell of the earth.
I want to write some of the lousy poetry I love writing so much; to celebrate my days in paint and words, to re-connect with my friends and exercise my body and see a movie and not cough.
I've had reports of illness from friends that shake me and make me sad. And also make me want to breathe my life deeply while I can and to have the deepest experience of all that I love that is possible. I want to inspire others and in doing that, inspire myself.
I think it comes down to the fact that we never get it "right" but that we're always trying. Veering from too much to too little and then back again as we seek that elusive balance. It's a daily practice - a course marked by corrections and reassessment.
Anyway, I'm mostly back now and hope you are making progress in your personal queen-doms. And kingdoms. If you were here I'd take you out and buy you an ice cream cone and we'd sit in the sun by a tub of daffodils and just smile at each other without saying a word. Just because life can be a sweet thing. Ciao.