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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Completed Journal Page

We are supposed to have another windstorm this evening. They unnerve me. I get weird enough in the winter without the weather; everything seems magnified and tragic this time of year. Whenever I feel the fear creeping up on me I know it is time to stop all worldly participation and take stock; meditate, watch the rain drip off the eves, curl up in a ball and let a short time out make me whole again and ready to return. Nothing soothes me as much as nature. When the war is too terrible, the deaths of the innocents too much to bear any longer, I retreat into nature and remember that the trees, the moss, the rain will all endure. I love the earth like my own mother and she always comforts me. No matter what we foolish and selfish humans do to her, she will endure. She is better than the savages she has spawned.

In this unusual state of mind (for me) I asked myself if this blog wasn't just a pathetic cry for attention (look at my art! you must!). And then a couple of lovely emails arrived from people who took comfort in words I said and I thought that maybe it doesn't matter if I am imperfect, weird, sometimes afraid, sometimes overbearing. That what matters is that sometimes my intentions help.

Winter is the time of the shadow for me. The wind howls, illusions appear and seem convincing enough, the spirit is tested. So forgive me this indulgence, or be glad that I finally let the mask slip for a moment. But just now, with the lights lit and the affluent children eager for new toys, I feel a little off, a little sad and in need of renewal. And it will come I know. It always does.

4 comments:

Misty Mawn said...

we have a lot of wind storms here all year around. At one time they made me so anxious, but now they just make me feel small, but also they bring a great awareness to me of how alive I am.
I truly love your blog. I come here for inspiration, you serve it so very well.
Every time I feel this way a Bob Dylan line pops right into my head..."Everything passes. Everything changes. Just do what you think you should do." it's simple, but I really love it.
Take care and thank you for sharing. xo

katie said...

i remember you talking about the wind and i thought of you yesterday when i heard about the storm coming (it's up here too). I'm stretching my very long arms down to embrace you in a warm hug. i'll be glad when this one passes through!

blogs are a way i can connect with like minded souls, like you. your words and photos inspire, motivate, and move me in many directions. thank you for sharing yourself here. xo

Diane havnen-smith said...

Hi Sweet Friend,
I love your willingness and courage to share your tender heart. Think of my arms joining Katie's for a hug. I adore storms but I have other sensitivities--isn't is good we can balance one another out?

Years ago I read Pilgrim at Tinker Creek and her words about winter often come to me, poetic and true, at least for me...

"I bloom indoors in the winter like a forced forsythia; I come in to come out. At night I read and write, and things I have never understood become clear; I reap the harvest of the rest of the year's planting." ~Annie Dillard

Hold tight in the storm and calm will come...you have so many hugs from near and far!

Kai said...

I've just cleaned up froma huge storm that took branches off my trees..
So i was inside reading and came across your blog. I love the journal pages you create, they have such a wonderful intergration of colours!!
Just thought you should know, they are groovy..
PEace, Kai.