Monkey-mind won't leave me alone. It tells me I am not accomplishing anything worthwhile, that I am spending too much time trying to figure out with logic what needs to be done through intuition, and I keep getting distracted when I do finally get to work. In addition I am bedevilled by a plethora of pesterments (a quote from a journal I wrote in 1992) - maybe that just never ends. The nuts and bolts that make up so much of life when my vision is elsewhere.
This is the hideous encaustic I painted and then destroyed yesterday. It had served its purpose and that was to provide me an opportunity to mix color with (a) dry pigments and wax (b) oil paint and wax and (c) oil pastels and wax. Today I experiment with watercolor. I am getting a little more used to my workspace here in my home studio and see what I need to change to accommodate larger work. In answer to all who have expressed concern regarding dry pigments in the studio let me just say that I am the biggest safety nut going and I haven't added to my collection of 3 dried pigment colors. I do not mull the pigments or fling them into the air.I love and adore your comments but I've lost my mind trying to answer everyone so please don't stop commenting. Just know that I am trying to take care of myself and my studio time. If you e-mail me or ask a serious question I will of course answer back. xoxo thanks.
7 comments:
You don't have to respond to this but OMG, I can't see anything hideous about that piece of artwork so I hope you didn't really destroy it! I LOVE it!
count me in with angie. one girl's trash is another girl's treasure! and i demand a response! i'm counting the minutes until i hear from you. HAAAA! Not! keep at it and work through the monkey mind. it's annoying as hell (i just painted the ugliest thing i've ever seen. my brain caused me so much suffering. so this term of monkey mind is especially poignant to me) but it will pass. let it go, let it go. xo-kelly
I really appreciate this post, Judy, because I am always battling between logic and intution when creating. I think it is healthy to periodically ditch, burn and/or destroy figuratively or literaly a piece of work. I think we often get hung up on the end product when the journey and lesson is the process.
Judy what a beautiful painting, I'm sorry you felt the need to destroy it, it has such lovely colours, the blue in the backgound's divine. Having said all that, I've done the same myself and ended up recreating the same image with much more rewarding results.
Ro
xo
Totally echo the previous comments -- why are we women always our own worst critics? Remember, it needn't be "perfect" (even by our own stringent standards within our own minds) to be good. May you create even in the midst of the chaotic tension between logic and intuition--and have peace for the process.
i really like the painting...i like the random freeness of it...it is fresh and alive...i do mull pigments and take good care while i do it...i hope the monkey mind produces much fresh inspiration and creativity...mind usually is followed by tons of good work days...blessings, rebecca
Mmm . . . I find it tough sometimes to let go of that urge to destroy what I don't think is good enough . . . I, too, think it was beautiful! Not that it changes how you feel about it . . . sometimes I just let it rest. Put it away. come back to it days or weeks later. look at it. respect what's there - sometimes, I can see a beauty in it I couldn't see before - sometimes, I just let it go - sometimes, I finally have enough space to see what it needs and do the work to take it where it wants to go . . . .best of luck in this tough part of the process!
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